its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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