Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
