On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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