I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
