Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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