Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
