dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
