She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
