You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
