wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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