and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
