i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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