My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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