I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
