I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
