All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
