She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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