the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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