I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
