your parents love me but you hate me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
