I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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