dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
