Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
