we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
