i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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