dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
