that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
