i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
