Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
