Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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