We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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