they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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