We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
