I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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