I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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