Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
