everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
