There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
