i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
