Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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