I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
