Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
