Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
