Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
