So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
