Fine. I'll sleep in my office
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
dude. I can hear the air.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
