And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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