And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
