Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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