I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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