Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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