your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
