So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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