If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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