ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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