The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
