We won't sleep together?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
