I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As shirtless as possible
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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